Can you believe that we will ring in the new year this weekend?! I always have mixed emotions as I reflect on this past year and look ahead at new beginnings. For me, this year has gone by so fast! Sometimes that’s been good though because it’s been a tough year. A very special friend of ours went to Heaven in March and it was a devastating time. It has reminded me that life is short and I need to make my time count. I have been trying to work on my relationships. I’ve been evaluating and asking myself hard questions such as: Who is a true friend? Who helps me grow? Are there any relationships hindering me? Am I a good friend? Am I truly listening to my husband, my girls, and my friends? What areas can I improve in?
If we take the time to dig deep, we all want to be loved well. We talked last week about God’s unconditional love and how amazing that is! If we truly live like we are loved, it changes everything. We feel free to be ourselves and share who we really are with others. It feels really good! Did you know that loving and being loved well starts with us? This revelation shocked me a bit! Maybe I knew it deep down, but it’s easier to blame others when things aren’t going well. It’s really hard to look inside myself and see what I might be doing wrong. I’ve learned, we can either be a victim and accept what’s thrown at us or we can choose to seek healthy relationships. If we realize there’s something wrong or something missing in our relationships, we must step up and take responsibility for our part.
This means we need to have boundaries, but not build up stone walls that don’t let others in. We need to learn to have thick skin, but a soft heart. We need to be able to see that not everything is a personal attack on us. Every person on this planet is selfish, even as hard as we try, we will always be a little bit selfish. So, other people’s responses may be directed at you, but may not have anything to do with you. Everyone has things going on in their lives that cause stress. Then, when we bump into each other in opposing opinions or actions, whatever we already have going on inside is going to come out. I used to think that because someone else caused a feeling or emotion to rise up, then it must be their fault. But I have learned that my response is due to whatever is going on inside of me. I can’t control what other people do or say, I can only control my actions and reactions. The other person may truly be saying or doing hurtful things, but if I’m at a good place emotionally then I can react with patience and grace instead of heated feelings and hurtful words.
How do we learn to do this? By following the example that Jesus set for us. After all, he is the only one who was and ever will be perfect! If you look through the new testament you can see that he experienced the entire range of emotions that we do, yet he did not sin!!! Isn’t that amazing! Now, Jesus doesn’t expect us to be perfect. That’s why he came to Earth and died for our sins because he knew that was the only way to redeem us. But he did leave us an amazing example to strive for! All he truly wants is our hearts to belong to him. He wants a true, intimate relationship with us. Then, as our hearts grow closer to his, we will automatically start living out his truths more and more. It all depends on the condition of our hearts! Luckily, we get to start over and try again when we realize that we have drifted.
So the goal is to start realizing that your feelings are indicators, they are there to tell you that your emotions are out of whack. Taking the time to truly process your feelings and emotions to see what is causing them is a big key to become healthy emotionally. Usually the thing that has upset us brought something to the surface that we have buried. A past hurt, embarrassment, or bad choice that we have tried to forget. But God, in his mercy, created us to be able to deal with those emotions, process them, and get some healing. Then, we will be able to move forward without being triggered. It takes time sometimes for the healing to fully take place, but if we allow God to work in our hearts, it will be worth it!
These truths apply to any relationship: family, friends, marriage, parents, and children. Relationships take a true commitment, they will not last on feelings alone. We can choose to follow Jesus’ example and love our people well, even when they mess up! This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or continue hurting us, there needs to be boundaries and consequences. These are healthy, they help us learn. Healthy relationships take work & time, but they are so beautiful and worth it when you get to the right place! So, this week, take an inventory of your relationships. What are you grateful for and what needs to change? Check out our featured resources page to help you get started. I’m praying this year is your best year yet because you’ve chosen to focus on your relationship with Jesus and with others!!!
Love,
Christin